Fallmeadow Follies
by GespenstKAF
Summary: Brought to you by my chaotic mind. Will update sporadically. CRACKFIC omakes, based on an upcoming fic.
1. Flies are Evil

Disclaimer: I do not own Negima, Naruto, or any major or minor franchises. However, I do own Nivek Fallmeadow, an OC that will appear in many stories.

Alright, first off: this is a crack-fic omake based off an upcoming story of mine. Secondly, the main pairing of the story is Naruto Uzumaki-Fallmeadow (will be explained in the main story when it comes out) and Zazie Rainyday. Third, since this is both crack and an omake, the entire class will be aware of magic and Naruto's abilities, including Kyuubi. Now let's start the madness!

**Flies are Evil**

It was just another day of school for class 3-A of Mahora Academy, with the young Negi Springfield teaching his class of lovely young women… and Naruto Uzumaki-Fallmeadow, who was currently flirting with his deskmate/ roommate/ girlfriend, Zazie Rainyday, both of whom were not paying attention to the lecture. Negi turned his head to look at his co-teacher and Naruto's caretaker, Nivek Fallmeadow: he was asleep, complete with nose bubble that grew and shrank with every breath. Defeated, Negi's head drooped in gloom.

_Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz_

Nivek's bubble popped, and both he and Naruto had locked eyes on a single thumbnail-sized house fly. As it flew erratically around the room, Negi and the girls could actually see the desire to eliminate the insect rising from the two males. Nivek shifted his hat as he stood up and cast a glance at Negi, "Negi, take the girls and evacuate the classroom." The tone of his voice left absolutely no room for arguments, so Negi did as he was told and led the 31 girls out the door nearest his desk. Within the minute, the only occupants of classroom 3-A were Nivek, Naruto, and the fly.

Outside the room, the group was having mixed reactions to what Nivek had asked. While the more sensible girls (such as Asuna, Chisame and Evangeline) thought that whatever was happening was going to be over-the-top and completely unnecessary, the more emotional ones (like Konoka, Makie and the Narutaki twins) were actually _praying_ for the safety of the two Fallmeadows. Zazie was worried about her boyfriend, while Negi and Ayaka were more worried about what would happen to the classroom after those two were done.

Without warning, a bright light shone out from the classroom, quickly followed by a series of explosions. Horrified at what might be occurring inside the room (which was _his_ responsibility), Negi tried to force open the door, which just wouldn't budge. Setsuna's blade, Mana's various firearms, hell even the combined power of the Baka Rangers couldn't get that door open.

_**CLICK**_

Thirty girls and one boy teacher turned to see Zazie opening the second door into the classroom, which was conveniently unlocked like some kind of convenient plot device. Wasting no time, the group poured back into the classroom to behold a most amazing sight.

To the girls who had played Final Fantasy, the strange construct blocking them from the front of the room was easily recognized as the ATB system. Beyond it was the scrolling background that appeared in the Zeromus fight in FF IV, complete with the Final Boss music from the same game emanating from seemingly nowhere. In the block where the enemy's name would be present was the word **Fly**. Where the player's party information was displayed, both Nivek and Naruto had **9999 HP** and **999 MP**. And, of course, the two of them had become 16 bit versions of themselves, standing across from the Fly, which had been enlarged to the size of a minivan so that it could be properly seen.

*BATTLE*

Nivek finished the preparation for his grand attack against the Fly. The textbox that appeared above the battle stated **Omniswat**. Nivek lunged at the foul beast, brandishing a massive two-handed flyswatter. Sadly, though the skill would register as 20 hits, every single one of them was a **MISS**.

Naruto quickly followed up with a charged up **Rasengan**, as the textbox claimed. Unfortunately, it was also a **MISS**.

The Fly took advantage of this, and let loose a **Big Bang**, nailing the two Fallmeadows for **2500 HP** each. Then, proving itself to be a cheating bastard, used **MP Buster** on Naruto, depleting his entire stock of **MP** to **0**.

*CLASS*

Chisame shot up, "I call foul! MP Buster is from Chrono Trigger, not Final Fantasy!" Chachamaru finished her quick scan of every spell and attack from the Final Fantasy series, "True, and there are no results from my search of 'Omniswat', the closest match being 'Omni Slash' from Final Fantasy VII. On a side note, Rasengan is not a Final Fantasy skill, as well."

*BATTLE*

After several more failed attacks by the Fallmeadows, the Fly began charging up for a major attack (as evidenced by the 3-turn countdown appearing over it). To prepare themselves, both males used those turns to use Elixirs to restore their lost **HP** (and in Naruto's case, **MP**), increase their defense with their strongest spell, and then entered a defensive stance.

And for good reason, since the Fly blasted both of them with a **Kamehameha**, dropping them both down to just **1 HP**.

Nivek quickly used a pot of Teriyaki Noodles (just like his mother used to make), to instantly restore their lost **HP**.

*CLASS*

The entire class (even Sayo and Chachamaru) sweatdropped: now this was just getting ridiculous. Haruna, even in mid-sweatdrop, was producing drawings of the fight like some sort of human printer: this would make an awesome scene for a manga!

*BATTLE*

Nivek scowled, "The hell with this. Naruto: hold it down with Shadow Clones!" Naruto obliged, and within seconds the Fly was partially buried under a pile of Naruto clones, with only its head sticking out. Nivek ran up and smacked it square between the eyes with an ordinary flyswatter, dealing **1 HP** worth of damage.

The Fly dissipated, finally slain.

(Cue the victory tune)

The spoils consisted of 100 yen, a coupon for any participating fast food establishment, and a shirt stating "I PWNED A FLY". As both participants were at their maximum level, the **EXP** was a moot point (that, and they only would've gotten **10 EXP**).

As the tune faded away, the ATB construct disappeared back into the void from whence it came. The moment Nivek and Naruto returned to their original forms, Zazie embraced her boyfriend and whispered something into his ear. The result was a blushing Naruto preparing to carry Zazie out of the room bridal-style, which Kazumi managed to snap a picture of. But before they could make it out the door, Asuna's voice called out, "And just where do you think you two are going?"

Naruto stopped in mid-step so that Zazie could be heard clearly by everyone,

"Back to our room to have passionate victory sex."

And then they were gone.

Ayaka whirled to face Nivek, "Aren't you going to do something?" Nivek grinned,

"Of course: I'm gonna pray that Kyuubi reminds Naruto to use the Anti-Pregnancy Jutsu."

Cue class-wide face fault, with Sayo's head phasing through her desk and Chachamaru's shattering hers.

**THE END**

Nice, my first ever crack-fic. I like to think I did well, but I'll let you guys decide.

_**R&R**_: GespenstKAF COMMANDS YOU!


	2. Naruto is an Idiot

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Touhou Project, Naruto or Negima!. I only own Nivek Fallmeadow.

**Naruto is an Idiot**

Another regular day for Class 3-A.

Remember that, even though the girls and their three male cohorts frequently get into some pretty wacky hi-jinks and shenanigans of all sorts, they _are_ still a class. That means _tests_.

This is almost always accompanied by Nivek-sensei making some sort of crack about Naruto's test score, no matter how good or bad he does. Here we have this week's crack:

"Nice job, Naruto: an 89 out of 100. Now, if only you were this smart whenever we went to visit my friend in Gensokyo. But _noooooo_, you ALWAYS DO _IT_!"

The emphasis on the "it" certainly caught the attention of the class. Nodoka raised her hand, "Um, Nivek-sensei? What does Naruto-kun always do at… where did you say?"

Nivek grinned, "Well, I have a friend who owns a mansion in the secret realm of Gensokyo. She and I fought alongside each other in numerous battles way back in the day, and she'll occasionally invite me to stay at her mansion for a couple of days. But the past six times I've gone, I brought Naruto along with me and specifically told him…"

_FLASHBACK_

**Gensokyo: Scarlet Devil Mansion**

"…Now, Naruto: I'm sure Remilia-chan won't mind if you explore the mansion a bit, but I'm going to give you a single rule right now: _stay out of the basement_, understand?"

Receiving an enthusiastic nod from the whiskered boy, Nivek turned to face the front door of the imposing Scarlet Devil Mansion and knocked loudly, shouting, "REMILIA-CHAN! WE'RE HERE!"

The door swung open, revealing the Scarlet Devil herself, Remilia Scarlet (AN: if you want to know what she looks like, find an image). Crimson red eyes shone like rubies from behind her light hair, "Nivek-kun! You finally made it!" She then looked at the blond, "And Naruto-kun, too!" She spread her arms and wings wide, "Don't just stand there! Come on in!"

_Later…_

Nivek sat in the den with Remilia, reminiscing about the old days. Currently, they were laughing their asses off:

"Remember when you gave that samurai an enema with the sheath of his own katana?"

Nivek chuckled, "Well, you remember when you caused an entire group of yōkai to void their bowels before running around like yellow crazy ants?"

Remilia laughed, "Oh yeah? Well-"

The sound of rapid footsteps filled the air, before Naruto burst into the room, his face the very definition of panic. Upon seeing the two eyeing him in amusement, he screamed, "KEEP HER AWAY FROM ME!"

A young female voice filled the air with dread,

"FOXY-KUN!"

"…"

"…"

All three occupants of the room instantly drained of color. Naruto screamed and bolted from the room, while Nivek and Remilia leapt to their feet. Nivek scowled, "Damn it, he let Flandre out of the basement!"

Remilia groaned, "I _really_ need to put more than one lock on that door!"

They both ran toward the voice's origin, shouting the promises of sweets if she went back into the basement without glomping Naruto to death.

_FLASHBACK END_

As Nivek finished his story, all eyes drifted to Naruto, who was blushing furiously. Nivek thumped his fist into his palm, "That reminds me: you and me are visiting Remilia this weekend." He looked at Negi, "We'll be back on Monday." He turned back to Naruto, "Pack up the necessities after class today, alright?"

Naruto groaned, "Fine." He didn't _want_ to go see Remilia: he wanted to spend the weekend with Zazie!

_TIME SKIP: MONDAY_

The classroom seemed significantly darker without either Fallmeadow there. However, Negi and the girls (especially Zazie) persevered. Negi, having just finished reading a full paragraph, asked, "Okay girls: who can translate this to-"

**WHAM! CRASH! THUD!**

The entire class sat up in alarm (with Negi letting loose a high-pitched shriek of terror) at the series of loud noises. The cause?

The "wham" was from having the combined mass of two bodies collide with the outside of the classroom door. The "crash" was said-door giving in to the combined mass and having an intimate meeting with the classroom floor. The "thud" was the result of Nivek and Naruto collapsing onto the fallen door, looking as though they had gone through a war that took place in a blender owned by the devil himself.

As if she had teleported, Zazie was across the room and holding her boyfriend in the blink of an eye. Evangeline found the sight to be rather humorous, if her wild cackling was taken into consideration.

Negi looked horrified, "Nivek-san! Naruto-san! What happened to you!"

Nivek, without moving the rest of his body, turned his head to glare at Naruto and scowled, "Take a **bloody guess!**"


End file.
